fimmtudagur, desember 15, 2005

Ég vorkenni aulanum!

Haukurinn hefur samkvæmt lesendum sínum ekkert að gera. Haukurinn kann ennþá ekki að "dropkick"-a fólk, þess vegna vorkennir hann aulunum! Haukurinn fann annan lista. Hver man ekki eftir Hr. T?

Top 30 facts about Mr. T

The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.

Children are afraid of the dark. Dark is afraid of Mr. T.

Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

Mr. T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar; they traveled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.

Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,” I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."

Mr. T doesn't breathe; air just hides in his lungs for protection.

When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.

Mr. T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr. T in the chest. The result was the 80's.

Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Y’s and a T. He's more man than you'll ever be.

Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Mr. T, and it was a warning.

Mr. T was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Mr. T was walking at the time.

Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.

Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

Mr. T wasn't born, he shed a woman.

Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

Mr. T always drives on the right side of the road, no matter where he is in the world.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Mr. T once stared at a woman for three seconds. She instantly became pregnant.

Mr. T recently went on fear factor. Not as a guest, but as an obstacle. Apparently the contestants had to stare at Mr. T's bling for at least 1 second. The show was cancelled to lack of participation.

On the A-team, Face, Hannibal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr. T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.

Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is too afraid to shine on him.

Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.

Gravity doesn’t exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the fuck down. Birds and planes are exempt because they are shaped like Ts.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

If you were born before 1980, there is a good chance that Mr. T is your father. If you were born after, it's guaranteed.

When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.

Haukurinn hefur talað!

mánudagur, desember 12, 2005

Chuck Norris

Tjøkk Norriss er hetja allra þeirra er æfa hina fornu austurlensku sjálfsvarnalist er nefnist Karate. Maðurinn er töffari aldarinnar. Hér koma nokkrar staðreyndir um Tjøkk sem Haukurinn rakst á:

31 reasons why Chuck Norris is better than you:

1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

7. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.

8. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

9. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

10. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

11. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F*cking."

12. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

13. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

14. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

15. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.

16. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral s*x, KFC and Tequila.

17. Chuck Norris always has s*x on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust

18. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

19. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*ck down.

20. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

21. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

22. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

23. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

24. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

25. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

26. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy cr*p! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had s*x with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

27. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

28. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

29. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's sh*t.

30. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

31. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.